Friday, October 17, 2008

Husband Choking

Wife Demands Male Doctor SACRAMENTO-- Jackie Christie, wife of NBA star Doug Christie, refused to let a female doctor save her husband's life Saturday when he nearly choked to death during a dinner at the Pilothouse Restaurant in Sacramento. Christie frantically screamed for a doctor after her husband began gagging on a chicken bone, but when Clarissa Jordan, a 41-year-old female doctor, rushed to his aid, Christie grew agitated. She reportedly told Jordan to 'back off' even as Doug's face turned purple and his breath came out in short, labored gasps.

Bystanders watched in horror as Jackie Christie calmly waited for a male patron to save her husband's life. Luckily, Sanjay Mehta, a local medical student who was sitting at the bar in an adjacent room, was able to apply the Heimlich maneuver just in time to avert a tragedy. The chicken bone came up, and Jackie defended her decision not to let a female doctor save her husband.

'Miss Clarissa Jordan, or whatever her name is, came running over like a poodle in heat,' said Christie. I could tell she was lusting after my husband, which is why I wouldn't let her near him. Sure, she's a doctor, but that's a great way to get her little tongue down my husband's throat. Believe me, I'm no fool. Plus, my husband would never want a female doctor saving his life. He'd feel too guilty having another woman lay her hands on him. He'd rather die. I'm sure of it.

Bystanders reported that Christie was not satisfied to simply wave Jordan away. Instead, she began beating the woman with her purse until the horrified doctor fled in terror. Christie said those claims were exaggerated, but did admit to 'getting physical with her.

I wouldn't say I beat her that hard. I just was trying to deter her from her ultimate goal of having sex with my dying husband, said Christie. Yes, I hit her a couple time with my purse, but I had to. The woman was relentless! She kept saying He's going to die! He's going to die! And I was like 'Whatever, bitch. Keep your hands to yourself.

After Jordan fled the scene, another female attempted to call 9-1-1, but she, too, was thwarted by Jackie Christie. The women, 29-year-old waitress Cheryl Malcolm, insisted that she was jus t trying to help.

After that woman [Jordan] got beat up, I realized Doug was still choking, she said. So I ran over, grabbed my cell phone and started dialing 9-1-1. Then [Christie] slapped the phone out of my hand and told me to mind my business and stop looking at her husband like that. I had no idea what she was talking about. I would never look at that guy in a sexual way. Gross...

After Malcolm was turned away, it looked like the end for Doug Christie. The Kings forward lay in a heap on the floor, his face bulging and red, his fists clenched, and his throat clogged with a large chicken bone, while Jackie sat with her arms folded and waited.

I don't know the Heimlich maneuver or anything like that, so I didn't want to try anything that would hurt my baby, said Christie. I was getting a l ittle nervous, especially when his eyes started bulging out of his head, but I knew if I waited long enough, some guy would come along and save him. If not, Doug would have been killed. But it's Ok. I made him promise to come back and haunt me after he dies.

Dr. Mehta was summoned into the room by a frantic patron who witnessed the choking. After he administered the Heimlich to Christie, he noted that if another moment had passed, Doug would've surely perished.

I am extremely surprised that this man's wife did now allow Miss Jordan to save his life, said Mehta. If another minute had gone by, he would surely be dead. In my country, this mad woman would have her hands cut off and her vagina sewn shut.

After being revived, Doug hugged his wife and breathed a sigh of relief. He thanked Dr. Mehta for saving his life, and recalled the final moments before he was rescued.

Whew, that was a close call, said Christie, wiping the sweat off his brow. I actually saw scenes from my life flashing by. The funny thing was that my wife was in all of the scenes, even the ones from my childhood before I met her. She was just there in the background with her arms folded, shaking her head disapprovingly. Huh. I bet a shrink would have a field day with that one, huh? A male shrink, of course.'

After thanking Dr. Mehta, Christie also offered some words of gratitude to his wife.

Although I am glad to be alive, I'm equally glad that my wife spared me the indignity of having another woman give me the Heimlich, he continued. That would've been catastrophic. Even if I had lived, what kind of life what tha t have been, knowing that I looked at, and briefly touched, another woman? I guess it would be kind of a normal life, actually. Anyway, that's the last time I ever eat chicken.

In order to avoid future incidents like the one that took place at the Pilothouse, the Christies have decided never to eat in a public place again. There's a lot of danger to eating in public, said Doug. The outside world is fraught with peril. You never know, you could be sitting there eating, minding your business, and a chicken bone could get lodged in your throat causing you to need assistance from a female doctor or paramedic. Don't laugh. It happened to us, and it could happen to you.

There are not too many things to say about this. I can't believe that this "man" would rather DIE then have a female save his life! While reading this story, I couldn't believe the extent of her jealousy. I've been jealous a time or two in my life but NEVER to this extreme!

Holla at me and let me know your thoughts!


Jennifer said...

that is so fucking wack i don't even know what to say. i want to stuff chicken bones down his throat now. urgh!

see what probably would have happened if he had died is that the wife would have sued the restaurant or something for not helping him.

this man and his wife have issues!

holly said...

That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. She's the one who deserves to choke. Maybe it will be a really nasty sweaty pimply wart faced person that saves her life. She's gonna get what's coming to her I just know it.

Tanja said...

These two people deserve each other! Thank you, Mrs. Christie, for taking this guy off the market!

glocha said...

She is stupid. The Heimlich requires no mouth to mouth or anything sexual for that a poodle in heat...she is the bitch, not the doctor who only acted quickly as a doctor should.