Tuesday, May 25, 2010

I’m in My Own Way

I have to learn how to let go… I have to show myself and prove to myself that I am worthy of love and adoration. Not the love that I’ve been getting, but the love that I’ve never gotten… Does that make sense? You know the love I mean, the type that when someone’s eyes look into yours the feeling is that you are the only one on this planet that exists besides the person that you’re looking at? The feeling that every word that you utter is important and has meaning…That no one else in this world matters but you… I’ve felt this way before, but to have someone RETURN that look – now that’s AMAZING!

I’m in my own way though and I don’t know what to do to correct this… I know what I want, but to get there is my issue. I know what I have to do, but I don’t know HOW to do it… I need to drop some walls down that, over time, I’ve learned to build up to protect myself. I need to open my eyes a little and learn to trust and believe what people are saying to me. I have to teach myself that not everyone is out to hurt me… How do I do this?

I have to learn to let old things go and learn how to make new things happen for myself. I have to allow myself to let people in enough so that I can enjoy life again. Is this possible? I have to teach myself how to forget the past and make room for the present and my future. Waiting for a bus to arrive that isn’t scheduled to come is what I’ve been doing so far… I have to move on, to let go, and ARRIVE!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Find the Time...

I know I haven’t written in awhile, but don’t think I’ve forgotten about y’all… Just haven’t found the energy to. Isn’t it bad when u don’t have the oomph to do what u love? To make the time to do something for yourself and what you enjoy? People, we have to do better! We find the time for everything else though don’t we? Things that don’t matter, things that can wait, things that others ask of us… We make time for all THOSE things, but when it comes to things for ourselves, we are placed on the back burner. Why is that? Do we not see ourselves as important as we see those who are asking things of us? I’m trying to make more time for myself. To raise my view of myself,TO MYSELF! No one else can do that for me! How I see myself is a reflection of how others will view me. Now that’s DEEP…