Potpourri VI

Well, it's been awhile since I've written in here and quite frankly I guess I needed the break.. I've been through things and YES I know everyone does, but those things that matter to you ONLY MATTER TO YOU when it's happening TO YOU so excuse me while I don't make excuses for being away..  Things seem to happen to us all while we feel we are down and I'm not alone in my thoughts, I'm sure...  I'm just different from most because I happen to be able to place my thoughts into words easily.. Although sometimes when this happens, I tend to voice those feelings where and when I shouldn't but TRUST me when I say it's all from love..  


Since I've last been here, I've found a church home!  I've needed to do this as some of you know and some of you have as well and I feel that was HIGHLY IMPORTANT for me to do.. I had to re-gain focus in my life and a church home was very much missing.  Dreams sometimes happen to us to help guide us in the direction we need to go in and as I've written before, I KNOW that was the purpose of that dream that MOVED ME...  My girls' and I LOVE our church and I'm glad and oh so thankful that they love us too!


Relationship wise, I've lost some folks that were close to me and have gotten closer to some who were NOT so close to me.. I've removed people who were causing nothing but drama and I will probably lose more. "Such is LIFE!"  Keeping salty folks in your life only seems to spread into other areas that are SALT FREE and really, who needs that?


My oldest graduated from high school which was AWESOME and started college!  I'm proud of my girl!  She put in the hard work and made it through! I love you Babygirl!! My youngest is now a 7th Grader!! Wow, where does this time go?!  Good job Momma's Baby!!  


Yesterday was pretty hard for me.. It would've been my 20th anniversary... Among the tears I shed, I could tell I was growing and regardless of how or what I need to do to get where I'm trying to be, I'm not scared of doing what I need to do in order to get there!  Today is the 2 year anniversary of my divorce.. I can tell you, I've come a loooonngg way and I'm proud of every step!  


The world does not revolve around me, nor did I ever think it did, BUT my world DID revolve around certain things and certain people.. It's great to know, that in my growth, my eyes have been opened to see, that my focus has changed, my world around me is changing, and I am forever Evolving!!

Hopeless...

Hopeless Romantics,

fall for hopeful semantics

Ready and willing

For all and any

Attention of few

Or attention of many

Whoever will spend time,

Or dinner with wine.

For a seat at the table

For anyone who is able

And those who’re available

Will use this against them

Although no ill intention..

Should walls be placed high?

To keep feelings aside?

Or let everyone come in

And keep feelings within?

One day time will tell

Until then… We fail…

Dreams Teach.. Listen to Them...

I rarely dream, or at least I rarely remember what I dream but this morning I awoke with a revelation and with tears streaming down my face. It appears that I was in New York or some place with mountainous buildings as far as I could view with all of them extrememly close together. I, along with countless others were "building jumping" atop them. It's like a camera zoomed in from the cement sidewalk to me on the rooftop. I was surrounded by 30 or so folks all doing as I am, "building jumping", all with somewhere to go. Except me. I had the feeling that I had no where to go to exactly, but yet there I was with everyone else. I come to a halt on top of a building that was almost the same width as me. When I made the successful leap, I sat down and refused to go any further. The folks behind me made no attempt to change my mind of the fact that I decided to sit instead of continuing on, they just went another route and continued on their way. One gentleman in particular decided to stop and talk to me and tried unsuccessfully for quite awhile. I was impressed by him. He never ceased in his motivation. A woman also stopped, she I recognized as someone I went to high school with. (I can't recall her name but when I see her again, I'm sure I'll weep.) When I saw her familiar face, I began to cry and she asked me, "Tiki, why won't you jump? You came this far?" I said, "I'm scared, what if I fall?" She said, "What IF you fall? What would happen?" I then exclaimed, "I would DIE!" She then explained, "Ok, and what if you died? Wouldn't you be with God? Isn't that where we all WANT to be?" as she opened her arms and pointed to all those folks around me. I WOKE UP, LITERALLY AND SPIRITUALLY this morning!

Fire

Early morning RISERS

Put out early morning FIRES

Don’t wanna first TIMER

My body REQUIRES a CLIMBER,a DIVIDER

Or an occasional SUPERVISOR

Who can dictate to his ADMIRERS

And expand on his DESIRES

I need him here before my FIRE EXPIRES

Interested? Taking INQUIRES..

Don’t need an ADVERTISER

Only want someone to be my TRANQUILIZER

Real..

Times and things change and remain the same regardless of what the hands on the clock say. Things happen as they should and for no other reason than that. My mind is clear, my heart is free, but my brain is thirsty.. Longing for stimulation that comes from another soul. This thirst can not be quenched on its own. The desire is rich and longing to be quenched. It's powerful, strong.. Almost hungry.. Something must be done to satisfy this beast.. I KNOW!! I.. Gotta.. Find.. REAL.. LOVE...

Love vs. HATE

Love is a feeling that is hard to describe, hard to mask, hard to hide..

It comes in the room with force, with fury, with magnitude..

It should not be explained, nor hidden, nor questioned...

It doesn't need a reason, a location, nor an invitation...

All it wants is acknowledgement, a committment, and time to flourish...

Problem with this is, HATE asks for some of the same things. Hate is easier though, grows faster, quicker to spread, and lasts longer.. This world.. Sounds like we pay attention to things we shouldn't and the things we should pay attention to we let go..

I wonder why that is? Are we so scared to fall in love with someone that we allow the faults that someone has out weigh the good in them? Are we so selfish that we don't want to allow someone else to share the life that we have so calculatingly built for ourselves? Or is it that we are so scared of the possibility of getting hurt that we don't want to open that door to allow someone in?? In doing so, are we REALLY just hurting ourselves in the process because we're really longing for someone to fill that hole that the last relationship left?? The same hands that we love each other with can be the very same hands that cause each other harm.. Wow..

I don't know these are questions I have to ask myself, but am too nervous to.. I know the answers for ME, do you know the answers to these questions for yourself?? Man.. What a crazy world we live in...