Wednesday, September 30, 2009


People ask me all the time if I would go back in time would I change anything. Undoubtedly the answer would be a resounding “YES” just like I’m sure everyone would change SOMETHING. Even one day, one hour, one decision… Something, I’m sure.

Don’t get me wrong, the majority of my life has been hard, but there are several things I would leave exactly as they are – exactly as they happened. My high school years were the best time of my life and would remain unchanged EXCEPT for getting the chicken pox in my sophomore year! Those were horrible!! (I guess it is true that the older you are when you get them the worse they are!) See? I would even change something about those years.

Is it true that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger? If so, I’m damn near She-Hulk!! (Am I showing my age here?!) Although times have been hard, there are people out there who’s situations are a lot worse than mine, just as my situations are worse than someone else’s. Our situations are based largely on decisions that we’ve made for ourselves. Yes, while we are young there are things that happen to us that are out of our control; however when we grow to be adults, those things can either make us or break us and we become responsible for our own decisions. It kills me when people blame their childhood for bad decisions they’ve made as adults. People (generally speaking) know the difference from right and wrong, don’t we??

Monday, September 28, 2009

Problems with Men and Women

Something interesting I heard today, “Men aren’t as strong mentally as men of old. Men today need to be catered to, are selfish and less appreciative than ever before.” Unfortunately, I agree with this entire statement and would you believe that it was made by a man?! The funny thing is that us women knew this the entire time, but it kills me that men agree with us and don’t do anything about it to change the pitiful outlook that some sorry fellas have casted against the whole lot. Okay, okay… Maybe not the whole lot, but it is a large number of ‘em then… Is that better? To tell you the truth I don’t know why I’m surprised in the least. People know when they are making bad decisions; they just don’t care enough to make the right ones instead.

I know you’ve heard the statistic that over 50% of marriages end in divorce. We all know this yet and still we get married knowing the odds are against us… Why? Do we think going into it that we are different than the millions of others who have tried before us? Do we feel our love is somehow stronger or more special than everyone else’s? Or do we just want to feel loved and appreciated by someone? Someone who is saying to God and all others that you are their special someone? Why do we need this? How many times have you heard couples say that things were better BEFORE they were married? What changes after the “I do’s”?

I’m not sure who can answer these questions but it certainly feels better asking them. I know I’m the wrong one to try and solve these dilemmas because I have no answers myself to my own issues and concerns. But if the first paragraph is TRUE then at least we know where we can begin.

“Tiki, here you go ‘men bashing’!” Probably so, maybe I am. I began this post with something I heard by a MAN remember… We women have our own issues. Okay, will it make you feel better if I mention some of them too? Women: cater to their men instead of themselves; expect to be taken care of instead of taking care of themselves, instead of getting a man their equal will settle for ANY man... Of course men and women have many issues, some of which I am guilty of myself… The thing is if you recognize issues in yourself and strive to better yourself, then you are ahead of those who have issues, recognize them and do nothing!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Potpourri III

Sometimes I just sit down and begin to type and let the monitor/keyboard take me where it leads me. I usually don’t have to think of things to write about… Either the news will show me the way or something in either my life or a friend’s life will direct me. Lately though, I’ve been having issues and I’m not sure if my situation is causing the block or what. (Maybe I should call it a “pause” instead of a “block”; that way it won’t seem as long.)

News has just been news, but the weather has been something else!! (My thoughts go out to those in GA where the flooding has been out of control.) Everyone has been talking about how we have needed rain and now see what happens… A lot of a good thing can also be disastrous regardless of what it is.

Plaxico in jail for 2 years for bringing a weapon to a night club and shooting HIMSELF in the leg... I’ve written about this before but since he is now serving his jail time, it still seems harsh to me... Maybe just a little… Yes, of course I realize that it wasn’t a smart thing to do, but at the same time he didn’t hurt anyone but himself, although drinks and weaponry combined is never a smart thing. He proved that didn’t he??

Racist acts – a daily event in the news… Finally, the swim club in Philly has been penalized for not allowing the day care center which has a majority of black children to swim in their pool. Of all 179 members in their club not one is an African American or even a minority for that matter.

President Obama has been on every channel and show, day or night talking about his health care fight… Continue to fight the good fight, Obama… Whether you agree with him or not, you have to agree with the fact that at LEAST he is trying to look out for the people who are having problems looking after themselves… Nothing at all wrong with that.

See? I never know what road I’m going to go down when I begin the trip. I just know wherever it leads me is where I am…

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Writer's Block

I haven’t had writer’s block in a while and I guess I’m having it now… Even with so much going on in my life at this time, it’s really nothing to write about. I’m not sure it’s information that I would want “outsiders” to know… Not that I’m nervous about being judged, but because although I am quite an open book, I’m not sure I want to be THAT open…

Tiki, we are here for you and to those people who have told me that I say “Thank You”. The only way people can help you with your problems is if you allow them IN to be able help you. Everyone doesn’t need to know the particulars; they just need to know that you need them to listen to you even if it’s just for a few minutes… Everyone needs to feel needed in one way or another whether they truly are needed or not…

I guess I didn’t have writer’s block after all… lol

Friday, September 11, 2009

September 11, 2001

This was written a couple of years ago... Thought it fitting to post here... This day...

Do you remember where you were then? I do, and I'll never forget it for the rest of my days...

I was sitting at work at Austin Community College at the front desk across from the Student Lounge. It has since been revamped and things moved around, but that day is clear in my mind. The office was empty at the time and I was there, bored out of my mind and just sitting there watching all of the students in the lounge. Something grabbed my attention, though. The TV in the lounge was on and it hardly ever was especially that early in the morning. The volume was off until someone decided to cut it on as well. All heads were cocked up toward the screen. Some people were crying others had there hands covering their mouths and a lot of people were standing around all peering at the screen. I then moved from my desk to the hallway so that I could see the TV better and then more people started coming out of the offices. As I looked on the screen, they began showing a playback of what happened and it was the first plane hitting the tower! We couldn't believe it! At first I thought that it was a horrible accident and I immediately began to cry. As I stood there watching the screen seeing the smoke bellow out of the building, the second plane hit and I knew precisely then what was going on. My co-worker Olga at the time, was overwhelmed with emotion. I remember how hard she was crying and I tried to comfort her, but it's even harder to comfort someone when you are equally overcome with emotion yourself. As the news spread throughout the building, employees began to call their loved ones who live in New York to check on them and two people, in particular, were petrified. Both of their spouses were in New York on business and were supposed to be on a plane that morning and in the area of the World Trade Center. I remember their panicked faces as they tried to phone them, but to no avail. The phone lines that morning were tremendously busy! No calls were making it out to that area. Soon, all of us were in the Student Lounge watching the screen. I don't believe any work or anything was accomplished that day.

At home, that night was horrible. The TV stations played the crashes over and over and it was on every network. But one thing in particular grabbed a hold of me. It was a documentary of a guy who was a firefighter in New York. All footage was being taped live as it happened. The scene when the first plane hit and the firefighters were on the way into the building and the sound of the jumpers hitting the ground. In the movie he says, "We all heard it. That sound. No one said a word. You can't describe it. Upon hearing it, you know exactly what it is. You know how bad it is up there if people would rather jump to their deaths than burn to death in the building." I'll never forget that sound or those words for the rest of my life. I've watched the airing of that show every year since 9/11.

One thing that I remember proudly, was the outpouring of TOGETHERNESS that was shown throughout the country after this happened. It has slowly faded away since. EVERYONE either had a flag at their house, on their clothes even on their car. We were one country and it was beautiful! We need to get that feeling back that we all had after this horrible event happened. We all shared in the tragedy, the grief and in the sorrow. We were one, one country truly indivisible.

The lives of the people who perished that day should be remembered, forever.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Potpourri II

I looked below at my last post and discovered that it’s been two weeks since my last post and decided that it’s high time I get busy!! Yes, I’ve been busy, moving and adjusting to a new place but I meant busy writing… I’ve found that it is one of the things that truly calm me and allows my mind to escape the hell otherwise known as my life.

Everything in my life is NOT by any means hell per se... My children are truly blessings although they can push a sistahs buttons without even trying. I know I over react sometimes and that is an ongoing project that I will continue to try and maintain. But my children are the reason I exist; they bring a smile to my face when they don’t even know I’m watching them… I love the moments when they are giggling together or singing in the mirror together – dancing and enjoying themselves as I stand off in the distance watching them from around the corner… They are the reasons I do what I do, work where I work, live where I live, and smile when I smile. They are my life’s joys.

I wish I had them closer together meaning, not a six year gap between their ages, but I had them and they were/are healthy children. They are helpful, they are kind, fun loving, energetic children with their whole lives ahead of them and they are my motivation. I want them, when they are grown, to be able to look at me and be proud and know that everything I did, I did for them and their happiness whether it is something they can see now or won’t realize until then. Either way, their opinions of me are the only two that truly matter besides how I view myself.

How I view myself varies from time to time. I can be very meek when it comes to some people and be a total biatch to others. I can be very strong minded and strong willed to humble and modest. I guess you never know what you are going to get (which is why I’m so damn exciting to be around lol). But as far as my children are concerned, I am loving yet protective and to me that is how I should be. You never realize how strong you are until you have to make a choice that is not an easy one to make. There is usually an internal and external battle going on with tough decisions. You have to know in your heart and mind that the decisions you make whether they be small or large ones affect more than just you which is why each choice needs to be well thought out prior to making it. The people around you who matter will be there for you to support you through these times.

I know this post is all over the place… I guess that is what happens when you wait two weeks before posting something. Hopefully it won’t be that long of a wait next time. For those of you checking everyday waiting for something to read: here it is!! For those of you who haven’t been checking, why not??