Friday, December 31, 2010

Happy New Year! We Welcome You, 2011!

New Year resolutions are easier to set then to accomplish. I’m looking to make goals or changes in my life that will lead to a better happier me. Everyone could stand to make some changes as long as they are for the better.
Insanity – doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results…
I’m going into the new year wanting different results than I’ve been receiving which means I need to change some things up while at the same time being true to myself!! Sounds difficult? Not really, considering I usually try to do what others want instead of what I want. I’ve tried to place others before me which have caused issues but my heart was in the right place, most of the time. I won’t say I haven’t made mistakes; none of us are without faults or imperfections. Some of us try harder than others to fix what we have done to cause others pain. I digress…

This time of year the Shoulda/Woulda/Coulda’s set in and we wonder how things would’ve turned out if this were done or if I would’ve done this… Why do we do that to ourselves? They say history repeats itself… It can but ONLY IF all the variables are unchanged! My history makes me who I am today, but I have a say so on how to react to my future. My future is bright and so is yours!! I don’t know about y’all, but I've been through some heavy things this year which I will not recreate in my future. Some things will need to be left behind in order for my future to be different than how my past has been...

Be safe tonight and every night... Make thought out choices and think BEYOND THE MOMENT!! So many people make decisions based on TODAY without any thought whatsoever to TOMORROW... Happy New Year 2 u all! Much luv and *smooches*!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Christmas Past, Present and Future...

So close to Christmas and so many feelings overwhelm me. It's as if the spirits of Christmas Past, Christmas Present and Christmas Future have visited me and really have me thinking... Where I've been, where I'm at and where I'm going are so CLEAR to me right now.. It's like I've had to go through things to become the person I am. I know that may seem obvious to some people, but to ME it's an Oprah "Aha Moment".

Christmas Past - There have been Christmas' where I've been pregnant, gotten proposed to, diapered my babies, tied their shoes, bought them bikes, and so on and so on. It just doesn't FEEL like this time has gone by so quickly.. Over the years I've been happy, sad, ecstatic, depressed, beaten down, and lifted up all during this same time of the year. It really makes you think of all the days between then and now. I've been busy planning dinner, cooking all the desserts and preparing the food for me, my husband and my children. EXCITED for the looks on their faces of the surprises waiting for them under the tree. It all seems so long ago now...

Christmas Present - Single.. Never thought I would be. I'm the wife type. I was raised to be independent, but not single. There is a difference. I fought for my marriage with everything I had. I gave everything that I could muster to try and salvage my marriage. I went against all that everyone said, everyone thought, everyone warned. I loved my husband and accepted him INSPITE OF... He was my everything. I held him higher than I held myself. Maybe that was my issue... Maybe that was my problem.. He mattered to me MORE THAN I MATTERED TO MYSELF. Regardless of the hard times we had together, they were OUR TIMES. I loved him. All of him INSPITE OF. Although we are no longer together, he taught me valuable things about myself that I would like to thank him for. This PRESENT he gave me is without measure the most invaluable thing I could own.. STRENGTH. I love him for that.

Christmas Future - It's an open book for me and my children. I see great things in my future due to where I've been in my past. My eyes are more open now than they have ever been in my life. I see possibilities in my future that I've never seen before. I see an open road with many exits, choices/decisions that can be made by me when I'm ready, IF I'm ready. It takes time to heal from things and the only thing holding me back now, is ME...

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Hopefully...

Sometimes we don’t know why people were put into our lives until they are no longer IN our lives. Some horrible situations can bring out the best in you and the people whose lives you influence by being in theirs. We never know what things people can pull out of you while in your life. Those things can either be bad things or good things… At the time, we don’t realize what’s going on but after it’s over hopefully you’ll know. Hopefully you’ve learned something. Hopefully, you’ve grown... Hopefully you’ve learned something about yourself that you weren’t aware of before. Hopefully you’ve changed for the better. Hopefully…

"Music is Therapy"

It’s funny how someone will play a song or two and something in those songs will inspire you to think… To reflect... To look @ yourself and others in a new way… As a friend of mine said, “Music is therapy” and I would agree with him. Songs provoke emotion, regardless of what emotion it brings out of you at the time, it’s helpful, it’s freeing, it’s necessary. Music is very important to me as is dancing and writing. They all have the same effect on me and ALL bring me joy. When I’m on that dance floor, sometimes I feel as if I’m the only one in that club, in that room, on that floor. I RARELY listen to the words of a song, but the beat, the way it makes me feel to hear it brings something out of me. I don’t go to the club for the same reason some people may go, I go for the MUSIC… “Music is therapy.” Yes it is…

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Dear Grandma,

I know you are aware of what I'm about to write before these words hit the screen, but I have to get them out. I love you for the woman you were, the woman you created - My Mother, and for the strength that was passed down from you, to her and then given to me.

I apologize for not making it to your burial on Saturday, but I also know you understand why. As the head of my household, I am responsible for my children and will ALWAYS put them before myself. That's what good parent's do and that's what my Mom does for me. My thoughts, blessings and prayers are with you from this day to the next.

I would like for you to give my Mother closure and to lift her heart because I know that she feels guilty for not being there with you when you passed on, however, she was here with her children and grandchildren, busy putting us before herself. She assisted me by helping me be there with you in her place and for THAT and many other reasons, I am eternally grateful. She allowed ME to gain closure. I was able to speak to you, to hold your hand and to tell you I love you for that final time and I was able to hear you say those same words to me. Without her doing this for me, I would have missed out on a very precious moment that we were able to share.

Give both Granddaddy and Meechy hugs and kisses for me each day. Those two meant the world to me as do you, My Mother, and my children. Out of all of this sadness, there are things to be thankful for which are: you are no longer ill, no longer in pain, and no longer suffering.

As I told Janelle who also wrote something for you, "Grandma is now among the Angels". As I was able to say to you on Thanksgiving, "I love you, Grandma" - from this day to the next.