Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Our Own Kind??

I had a talk with someone recently about an incident that happened to her the other night. She was checking her mailbox at about 10:45 p.m. (yes it was late) and a man (who happened to be black) ran into the mailbox area. She lives in an apartment complex so her mailbox was incased in a small house of sorts with plenty of mailboxes surrounding hers. The first thing that popped into her mind was that she was alone, at night, with this black man. Now mind you he ran into the mailbox area seemingly out of breath and asking for her help. He seemed nervous which made her nervous as well. She motioned to the man to leave and asked several times to just leave her alone and to just let her get to her car. “Please!!” she begged him. Never did she pay attention to anything that he said UNTIL she was on the way out of the mailbox area and a police car pulled up. As she was getting into her car she overheard the man tell the police “He’s been beating me, I had to run, I just had to!” Apparently the man (as she thought) was actually a boy, who had been beaten by his father was reaching out to her for help and all she saw was a “black man”. Apparently he had been knocking on doors pleading for help and no one, including her helped him. When she figured out what happened, when she made it to her apartment, she let herself in and cried herself to sleep…

I didn’t want to mention until the end of the story that the person telling me this story was black too. She said to me, “Why has society made us so afraid of our own kind?” Wow… What a powerful question. I had no answer for her. None. Do you? To tell you the truth, I didn't know what to say to that story OR to her question... I'm not sure what I would've done differently if anything at all. It's hard to say unless placed in the situation. But one thing I tell you is I can't get that question out of my mind... Is it society? Is it our own insecurities? I think being placed in that situation myself, I would've been scared REGARDLESS of who would've walked/ran/jumped into that mailbox area at that time of night, which is why I don't usually check my mail at night in the first place. The best way to protect yourself is to not place yourself in bad situations... I know... Easier said then done...

Monday, March 29, 2010

I'm Tired...

Writing things down, getting my feelings out “By any means necessary”… It’s what I do to be able to deal with things that are bothering me. It’s good to have an outlet that’s easy for me to do, real cheap too! Doesn’t cost me a red cent! I’m scared to think of what I would do if I didn’t write… I’d either be an ALcoholic, an EAT-aholic, a SMOKE-aholic whatever came my way probably... (I’ve always made up my own words. Hey I don’t have to be “Webster” in order to do so! Lol) But I choose to write, it’s what I do – it’s who I am!

Sometimes my feelings overwhelm me to the point where I get either SUPER sad or SUPER angry and now since I’ve had my hysterectomy (couple of years ago) that could be in the matter of minutes – SECONDS even! I write a lot more frequently now. Things have to be said, things have to be done NOW for tomorrow is not promised. Why should I let these things fester? What I have to say is just as important as the next person.

I have issues as we all do; but mine just seem more important To ME because they are happening TO ME. Is that selfish? Nah, it’s my perspective as I’m sure your issues seem hella more important to you then mine do. Don’t get me wrong, my friends issues/problems are important to me because the chosen few that I call “friends” are family to me. Their issues are mine and although it’s rare that I can help them with their issues, I listen, I’m here, and I care!

Is this post all over the place? Maybe, but that’s how I’m feeling today – All Over the Place?! My brain is being pulled in several directions and right now and unfortunately down is easier to get to then UP… I know that is the wrong way to look at things and I try to be so positive MOST of the time, but I’m tired y’all… Really tired… I’m tired of “The B.S.!” There are lots of things that fit in this category and to tell you the truth, there are too many things to even list. Tired of being broke, tired of drama, tired of hurting (literally), tired of getting my feelings hurt – just fuckin’ tired!

Have you ever tried to fix your issues and no matter what you do, nothing gets better? I mean, I’ve hit so many brick walls – I’m bruised all over. “Just hold on” people say, I’m holding for dear life! I’m a soldier – I fight – not giving up now, tomorrow, or the day after that…

Tiki, remember Boo – you are not alone in this fight. There are others who are here with you in spirit and here day in and day out for you! That’s what I tell myself! This fight is not mine alone. I fight not just for me, but for my beautiful girls! Sometimes they look at me and make me feel like it’s just me and them against the world! I fight this fight for them! Hold on babygirls’ – it’s gonna be a wild ride!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

My Affiliation!

Writing can be just as medicinal as someone’s medication.

It can ease the mind and render relaxation.

It can take your mind away like a vacation.

Makes me want to scream out like an acclamation!

Got mad love for it, more like adoration.

I want everyone to know my page – it’s my affiliation.

Writing can bring people together like a congregation.

I want to do it all the time because I have dedication.

Writing gets my anger out – extermination.

My words are my own, there’s no interrogation.

I hope people look up to me with inspiration.

My hard work may pay off with a publication.

Until then, I must constantly renew and restore – renovation.

However when that day arrives - VERIFICATION!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Do You Have a Rock??

No matter how strong you claim to be, there will always be something that will break you down. Not a total breakdown, but an emotional one for sure. We are mostly strong when we need to be, but those times when you are by yourself and you know you can let go, you will. Nothing wrong with that at all. Everyone needs time to get over something or someone that has wronged them. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger," that's true but it doesn't feel like that at the time. You feel weak and alone and that no one in this world can understand you and your issues. This is when friends and family come into play. Those times are when you need to find someone to lean on, someone to confide in, someone who won't judge you and who understands. Not everyone is blessed to have this person, so if you have found this rock, lean on them with care. You will need them when you feel like everything else around you has crumbled.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Your Day Begins TODAY!!

Isn’t it hard sometimes to accept reality? Sometimes reality slaps you in the face without you being prepared for the hit. At that point, it’s time to get up, dust yourself off and realize that YOUR day begins TODAY! We all need to take charge in our lives and be responsible for our own actions. Today is the day we begin to realize that we can not be responsible for anyone else’s mistakes, but we are in charge of our own reactions to others’ mistakes. Just because someone does something wrong to me does not give me the right to go and wrong someone else. KARMA now that is one thing I will no longer mess with.

Why is it so easy for me to write people out of my life who make bad decisions in their own lives that I CAN’T deal with rather than people who have hurt me more than I should put up with? I’ve said this a lot lately because it is SO TRUE! I have the tendency to accept things that I shouldn’t or put up with things that I shouldn’t. The funny thing is when this is happening to me, while I’m in the moment I can NOW recognize it while it’s occurring. I can NOW recognize game where before I was trying hard to call it everything else then exactly what it was… GAME!! Guess I’m growing up… Maybe not “growing up” – wrong choice of words… Maybe now, I’m healing…

Thursday, March 04, 2010

What's Done in the Dark...

I don’t know where I heard this from but the saying goes, “What’s done in the dark shall come to the light” meaning everything we do in secret (in the dark) will come out in the open (to the light). If you don’t believe this saying, just ask any cheater who has gotten busted and is now alone or no longer with the person they cheated on. Anyone who has read my blog knows how I feel about cheating so I’m not going to continue to rehash that mess today. It goes back to the post I had the other day, me feeling someone else’s issues. I recognize myself in so many people and it pains me sometimes that they don’t see things that are right in front of them… I guess I don’t either sometimes…

There comes a point though with me, when I can no longer take or deal with the drama that is being brought to my life from other people. It’s at that point when I remove them from my life, period! The relationship, regardless of what it is or was, becomes no longer necessary to me… In fact, it becomes a hindrance and at that point an “annoyance” to me. There are some people that just need to be removed in order to move on with YOUR life... Regardless if it’s a friend, a family member, an associate, WHOEVER they may be... Deletions are occurring everyday around this peace, please believe!!

Some people may think this is harsh of me, but I’ve always been the type of person to not give a rat’s ass about other people’s opinions of me! You can believe what you wish of me, I don’t care just like you do not have to care what my opinion is of you. Your decisions, whether they be good or bad doesn’t matter to me UNTIL it impacts my life or the life of my children. At that point, the relationship WILL BE DEALT WITH. The easiest thing to do is to cut the bad out of my life and then rejoice on the good that is left behind…

Monday, March 01, 2010

Every Problem is Not Mine to Fix...

I have got to realize one day soon, that I can not allow myself to be upset by things that I have NO CONTROL OVER or that do not concern me, but are issues that my friends are dealing with.. I keep telling myself over and over again that I need to control this, give advice without melting myself with their situation. Both my children have told me, “Mom, that’s not your business” OR “Mom, you can’t fix that.” (Smart kids I have.) It drives me nuts to know that something is wrong that may not have any affect on me at all, but it may concern someone I care about. It feels as though that issue is mine to deal with as well. I want to fix that problem so that it no longer exists for them ESPECIALLY if it is something that I have dealt with. Why would I want to see someone deal with the same issues as I’ve experienced? Why re-invent the wheel? Why is it that we do not heed the advice from others who have been down a path that we are currently traveling? Is it sooo hard for us to fathom that someone can help us? Is it that we do not want to hear or admit that we are in the wrong and need help?