Friday, April 23, 2010

We HAD some good times…

Yes, I know I haven’t written in awhile – been busy... Been busy taking care of business, things I didn’t want to do, but things I know had to get done. Unfortunately, these things could only get done by me – Procrastination has reared its ugly head for too long already. How much more did I think I could take? Was I testing myself to see how bad things could/would get before I did anything? I guess I shouldn’t be hard on myself. Nothing wrong with sticking to my word for me and my family… Nothing wrong with it at all… Then why do I feel so bad? Bad maybe is the wrong word; maybe disappointed is a better one… Disappointment is one of the worse feelings in the world to me. It’s hard to return from it; hard to recover from it; hard to deal with it…

One thing people can’t call me is a quitter. That is one thing that I’m not. I’m a ride or die chick for the right person and even the wrong one… I give it my all, EVERYTHING gets my ALL. That’s what I do, that’s who I am. I give it all, because that’s what I expect in return. Is that too much to ask? I don’t think so. When standing in front of the LORD and professing your love to him and the world, why wouldn’t I give it my all?? Isn’t that what we are supposed to do? Why don’t people take it as serious as it is? Why are people so quick to give it all away for a roll in someone else’s hay? The grass may look greener on the other side but when you get up close, you realize that it was turf instead. When I then give you what you want by leaving, it is then when you try to come back to this green lush grass then you realize THIS grass is no longer yours to mow.

Life is LIFE LESSONS that are sometimes very hard to learn. It’s funny because regardless of those who take steps before it’s your turn to walk them, your feelings, opinions and reactions are yours and yours alone. No one else can tell you how to feel. No one else understands but you. It’s a lonely place to be. Alone with your feelings with really no one to turn too but YOU. It’s not a time to feel bad though, you know this decision is the best one you can have, but time lost, time spent, time wasted… WOW, none of those can you get back. It wasn’t a total waste of time. There were good times. There were children born. We HAD some good times…

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Reality

Why do we allow ourselves to believe things we know aren’t true? Is it because we allow our hearts to rule us instead of our minds? We want to believe things are the way we want them instead of how they really are. Reality is a HUGE pill to swallow when your well has run dry. People tell us who they are by the actions they make, not by the words they choose. We want to believe that people will change, that we are somehow different then the others who have been caused hurt by this person, but in REALITY, we are no better, no different then the ones before us. When you see something in front of you, don’t walk around it in order to avoid it, step to it with your eyes open so you can see it for what it is – REALITY. Reality won’t lie, won’t steer you wrong – it is what it is and we all need to deal with it.

Monday, April 05, 2010

Sometimes Tears Fall for No Reason...

Do you ever have tears fall for no reason, but you don't question it, you let them fall. You feel like crying heavily, slobbering, yelling out in pain, tears streaming faster, harder then ever before... Instead though, you try to be thick-skinned, stopping the emotions from erupting for fear of someone walking in or hearing you... Part of you wants to anyway so someone CAN hear you, hold you and tell you that things will get better... You secretly want the person who hurt you to see you, so they know what they've done, however you also know that they wouldn't care even if they did see...

Sometimes tears fall for no reason, should there be a reason? Is it wrong to just cry? It's not a weak emotion, for it takes a strong person to show their emotional side. A weak person would rather act like it doesn't exist at all. I cry. I cry when I'm happy, sad or mad, but sometimes, I cry just cause...

I have reasons to cry, I'm sure most of us do, but lately, tears just fall. They fall no matter where I am, out of the blue. Sometimes I feel it coming because of that undescribable knot in my throat and warns me of the outburst to come. I welcome it. I know that afterwards I will feel better, feel free, feel calm.

Movin' On?

Some people amaze me at how fast they can move on to other people after a break up. What does that mean exactly? Was the person they are no longer with that easy to get over or is the person they moved on to really not that important? Just someone to fill a gap perhaps? The nerve! Both the person you left and the newbie deserve more then that! People just don’t care about people anymore. Out for self gratification and nothing more. Way to go, selfish bastard, way to go…