Monday, December 22, 2008

Solace in Family and Friends

Isn’t it interesting how things could be going one way and you think everything is everything, then the next minute, your life gets flipped upside down. It’s hard to swallow when you’ve been taken aback – slapped in the face with harsh reality. At this time, this is when your will and strength are being tested. You must stay strong and allow yourself to take care of you.

If you are like me, you are used to taking care of everyone else and you are left to deal with the leftovers for yourself. Sometimes, you have to come first and quite frankly, there is nothing wrong with that. Even when your world is upside down, you still have you – no matter what.

When things are going terrible and you can’t focus on anything else, you will notice what solace you can find in your friends and family. Those special friends and family members that you know you can call no matter what and they will be there for you. These people are very important to you anyway, but at a terrible time, they can be what pull you out and who keep you strong. These people are reminders of how important you must be to them for them to stand by you no matter what. To these people that I have in my life, I say thank you and I love you and I need you now more than ever.


Tanja said...

It is very important to have friends and family to turn to in a time of need. The hardest part is letting yourself be vulnerable in front of people. I wish in my time of need that I could have turned to family and friends, however, I chose not to. It all worked out in the end, but it would have been nice to be able to rely on the comfort and support of others. Sometimes we think that people will judge us and that is not the case. Women have to be able to lean on each other.

sunny said...

It is important to have friends and family period, not just in a time of need. Friendship is a lot like prayer, often we realize the benefits in a time of need, but these relationships should be cherished at all times, not just when we realize we need them.

That said, it is easy to share our times of joy with loved ones, after all, when good things happen we accredit them to our awesome works. However, it is much more difficult to share our pain, the pain that we have come to believe we have somehow brought into our lives - the pain we are somehow responsible for - situations that we know will lead to judgment and scrutiny that we would rather not face.

There are very few people I would consider my friends (whether blood related or not). I could probably count all of my true friends from my entire life on one hand. Those who I am willing to be totally vulnerable with, who I'm willing to share my grief with, without worrying about judgment or gossip being the fall out. Who are these people in my life? The answer is probably no one - and everyone.

There are people I turn to to discuss work issues, others for parenting issues, others for political issues... but for more personal territory, like my relationship, no one fully enters. I think, for me, I choose this thinking to the future. When my venting is done, when I have made my decisions, when all is well and done, do I want someone else scrutinizing my decisions, or judging my man based on my one sided version of the story. NO!

But, I also know that it isn't healthy to deal with the struggles of life alone. Why can't we (women) truly trust each other in our times of need? Why are we so petty and catty that we are more excited to know the story, the gossip, than to truly have sympathy and be there for our friends?

I can only hope that one day I will develop friendships so strong and deep that I KNOW I can share my burdens and can rest assured that that friend will be supportive of my choices - even when they aren't the ones they would make - and will be there for me again if it all turns to crap - never saying "I told you so." It would be great if family could fill this role, but I'm not sure that it can (at least not the spouses family), for the sake of keeping the family strong and not forcing anyone to take sides. To me, destroying a family would be worse than dealing with your relationship issues alone. This is unfortunate for me, because my closest friends are his family :(

sunny said...

Why am I so long winded? Uggg!