Monday, March 29, 2010

I'm Tired...

Writing things down, getting my feelings out “By any means necessary”… It’s what I do to be able to deal with things that are bothering me. It’s good to have an outlet that’s easy for me to do, real cheap too! Doesn’t cost me a red cent! I’m scared to think of what I would do if I didn’t write… I’d either be an ALcoholic, an EAT-aholic, a SMOKE-aholic whatever came my way probably... (I’ve always made up my own words. Hey I don’t have to be “Webster” in order to do so! Lol) But I choose to write, it’s what I do – it’s who I am!

Sometimes my feelings overwhelm me to the point where I get either SUPER sad or SUPER angry and now since I’ve had my hysterectomy (couple of years ago) that could be in the matter of minutes – SECONDS even! I write a lot more frequently now. Things have to be said, things have to be done NOW for tomorrow is not promised. Why should I let these things fester? What I have to say is just as important as the next person.

I have issues as we all do; but mine just seem more important To ME because they are happening TO ME. Is that selfish? Nah, it’s my perspective as I’m sure your issues seem hella more important to you then mine do. Don’t get me wrong, my friends issues/problems are important to me because the chosen few that I call “friends” are family to me. Their issues are mine and although it’s rare that I can help them with their issues, I listen, I’m here, and I care!

Is this post all over the place? Maybe, but that’s how I’m feeling today – All Over the Place?! My brain is being pulled in several directions and right now and unfortunately down is easier to get to then UP… I know that is the wrong way to look at things and I try to be so positive MOST of the time, but I’m tired y’all… Really tired… I’m tired of “The B.S.!” There are lots of things that fit in this category and to tell you the truth, there are too many things to even list. Tired of being broke, tired of drama, tired of hurting (literally), tired of getting my feelings hurt – just fuckin’ tired!

Have you ever tried to fix your issues and no matter what you do, nothing gets better? I mean, I’ve hit so many brick walls – I’m bruised all over. “Just hold on” people say, I’m holding for dear life! I’m a soldier – I fight – not giving up now, tomorrow, or the day after that…

Tiki, remember Boo – you are not alone in this fight. There are others who are here with you in spirit and here day in and day out for you! That’s what I tell myself! This fight is not mine alone. I fight not just for me, but for my beautiful girls! Sometimes they look at me and make me feel like it’s just me and them against the world! I fight this fight for them! Hold on babygirls’ – it’s gonna be a wild ride!

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