tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-68565113018916646282024-03-18T23:42:49.954-05:00Tidbits by Tiki!! (My Page is my Podium)Believe in yourself no matter what! It can take you further in life than other things can. The belief that any deeds can be fulfilled begins somewhere: either you believe in yourself or someone else believes in you. However, without YOU believing in yourself, nothing that you want or desire would be accomplished. Be who you say you are.. and say what you feel .. because those that matter, don't mind ... and those that mind, don't matter!Tikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03616181970989741204noreply@blogger.comBlogger228125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6856511301891664628.post-25132574873047219032018-08-24T17:44:00.001-05:002018-08-24T17:44:11.123-05:00Tick.. Tock.. Tick.. <p dir="ltr"><br>
Lately time passes with such direction.. At times it seems as though I have a plan for each moment never wanting any of them to be used up with no intentions..</p>
<p dir="ltr">Anticipation of each passing day makes everything worth working hard for.. </p>
Tikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03616181970989741204noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6856511301891664628.post-24587791747376013922018-01-29T16:37:00.003-06:002018-01-29T16:41:45.467-06:00I need this blog..<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<em>There was a time when I needed this blog.. </em></div>
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<em>I needed it to express myself, needed it to be here for me since I felt I was all alone dealing with this life with no one to listen to me..</em></div>
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<em>I felt I needed it to allow me to vent, to get out what was being held inside of me for a very long time..</em></div>
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<em>I needed to know that folks out in the world were listening to me since I felt as though those I loved the most could care less..</em></div>
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<em>I needed it to get out my opinion, my view point, my suggestions, because I felt no one wanted to hear them..</em></div>
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<em>I needed this blog to be my friend, since I felt all mine left me alone to deal with MY problems even though they needed me for theirs..</em></div>
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<em>I needed this blog, to celebrate with me on things that I accomplished in my life and to cheer me on with things I fell behind on since I was never expected to fail..</em></div>
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<em>I needed this blog..</em><br />
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<em>Now, though, I WANT this blog.. I want it to remind me of where I was and push me to places I want to be!</em></div>
<em>I WANT this blog, so that I can be an inspiration to others who have been through similar things!</em><br />
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<em>I WANT this blog to be an outlet for me and to record what I have to say so my children can use it in their lives when they need me when I'm no longer here for them!</em></div>
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<em>I WANT this blog so that my family knows how I felt and how I still love them..</em></div>
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<em>I WANT this blog.. and I still NEED this blog..</em></div>
Tikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03616181970989741204noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6856511301891664628.post-38938275799484248302015-09-27T15:57:00.000-05:002015-09-27T15:57:52.959-05:00Growth Potential<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I get such a thrill from repotting plants.. Seeing the growth potential for the plant by giving them room to grow in a bigger better pot with new soil.. There's a chance though that the pot will reject it's new surroundings.. May not like the dirt, may not like the new spot you choose for it to be.. But, if it does choose to survive, what a bigger, prettier, stronger plant you will have! Its leaves are usually larger! It's color, more vibrant! Sounds like us when we make it out of a bad situation! We often think we are stuck in that bad dirt with nowhere to go.. We start to die a little, feeling trapped and stunted by what's around us.. Oh, but when we get the opportunity to outstretch our arms and make it to new ground with promise , what a NEW PERSON we become! Tikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03616181970989741204noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6856511301891664628.post-56515425300048582782015-09-24T20:40:00.001-05:002015-09-24T20:40:50.105-05:00Lie vs TRUTHThe older I get the more things that used to bother me no longer do... I'm affected by things NOW that used to NOT bother me.. Like lying for instance... I used to just dismiss it and move on, but NOW I see things so differently.. The fact that you would rather lie than tell the truth upsets me.. You have so little respect for me that I'm not worthy of the TRUTH.. The gall.. I have to remember though, that regardless of how well you treat some folks, they will NEVER treat you as they should.. What a hard lesson to repeatedly learn..Tikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03616181970989741204noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6856511301891664628.post-21222250287504863092013-08-20T13:59:00.001-05:002013-08-20T14:04:09.364-05:00Respect....<div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggQetC22n6ULIQt1w86cYp9-5fNhQZqXB7WemQ1gYVVK2PzS5fAR7wEjvB0mwsZkQgYaEJtDs5nakq9n3McWxmh0vHa-DEuIB0QtPpbUJxOx4RHo2AAA6ksXeM7CQjZWvB6V2ugkCB0fED/s1600/IABRAtree_bradley_480x320.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" qsa="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggQetC22n6ULIQt1w86cYp9-5fNhQZqXB7WemQ1gYVVK2PzS5fAR7wEjvB0mwsZkQgYaEJtDs5nakq9n3McWxmh0vHa-DEuIB0QtPpbUJxOx4RHo2AAA6ksXeM7CQjZWvB6V2ugkCB0fED/s1600/IABRAtree_bradley_480x320.jpg" /></a></div><br />
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It's so funny to me how we have such love and respect for the land we live on and NONE for the people who live ON the land.. On my way home from work yesterday, I noticed a tree growing in the middle of the street... The folks who made the roadway, had enough RESPECT for the tree, that they didn't want to remove it to create the road, so they went around it.. Folks have made houses to live in with trees growing through the middle of them just to not DISTURB the life of the tree.<br />
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Now what gets me about this whole thing is.. Folks have NO quams of <i>CUTTING DOWN</i> the feelings of a person, but will save a TREE! The lack of respect that humans have for one another is appalling but the life of an animal or even vegetation which has no thoughts, feelings, heart or emotions has gained enough respect from folks to remain tall and firm... While we constantly <i>CUT DOWN</i> peoples thoughts, feelings, ideas, and the self esteem of everyone we come in contact with... It's appalling..<br />
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Now someone will inevitably say that, "... the tree is a living organism and will live for hundreds of years so it should remain where it grows.." This arguement may be true, but the fact that MOST humans do not live to be in their 80's should be enough reason to make everyone's life around you WORTH LIVING! We have a short time on this Earth, shouldn't that time be spent WELL? <br />
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Respect... I fight to gain as much as the tree that grew in the street has apparently earned...Tikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03616181970989741204noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6856511301891664628.post-84111963382188866062012-06-22T14:01:00.000-05:002012-06-22T14:01:25.397-05:00Potpourri VI<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirR9cttUdsY-QKKehiC4IhpZ0gIeJoLvHxpEtaeG26KCuQreygK1a1bzqtzSNXJrwlLjBXItjHBiG1b6mwQmvyoRlSZatnSBAvVzMwBaP1PUhn1pJo_FWb24KFZWuR03ruyzYYW9Wr1nr5/s1600/Revolve.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirR9cttUdsY-QKKehiC4IhpZ0gIeJoLvHxpEtaeG26KCuQreygK1a1bzqtzSNXJrwlLjBXItjHBiG1b6mwQmvyoRlSZatnSBAvVzMwBaP1PUhn1pJo_FWb24KFZWuR03ruyzYYW9Wr1nr5/s320/Revolve.png" width="320" /></a><br />
<i>Well, it's been awhile since I've written in here and quite frankly I guess I needed the break.. I've been through things and YES I know everyone does, but those things that matter to you ONLY MATTER TO YOU when it's happening TO YOU so excuse me while I don't make excuses for being away.. Things seem to happen to us all while we feel we are down and I'm not alone in my thoughts, I'm sure... I'm just different from most because I happen to be able to place my thoughts into words easily.. Although sometimes when this happens, I tend to voice those feelings where and when I shouldn't but TRUST me when I say it's all from love.. </i><br />
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<i>Since I've last been here, I've found a church home! I've needed to do this as some of you know and some of you have as well and I feel that was HIGHLY IMPORTANT for me to do.. I had to re-gain focus in my life and a church home was very much missing. Dreams sometimes happen to us to help guide us in the direction we need to go in and as I've written before, I KNOW that was the purpose of that dream that MOVED ME... My girls' and I LOVE our church and I'm glad and oh so thankful that they love us too!</i><br />
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<i>Relationship wise, I've lost some folks that were close to me and have gotten closer to some who were NOT so close to me.. I've removed people who were causing nothing but drama and I will probably lose more. "Such is LIFE!" Keeping salty folks in your life only seems to spread into other areas that are SALT FREE and really, who needs that?</i><br />
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<i>My oldest graduated from high school which was AWESOME and started college! I'm proud of my girl! She put in the hard work and made it through! I love you Babygirl!! My youngest is now a 7th Grader!! Wow, where does this time go?! Good job Momma's Baby!! </i><br />
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<i>Yesterday was pretty hard for me.. It would've been my 20th anniversary... Among the tears I shed, I could tell I was growing and regardless of how or what I need to do to get where I'm trying to be, I'm not scared of doing what I need to do in order to get there! Today is the 2 year anniversary of my divorce.. I can tell you, I've come a loooonngg way and I'm proud of every step! </i><br />
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<i>The world does not revolve around me, nor did I ever think it did, BUT my world DID revolve around certain things and certain people.. It's great to know, that in my growth, my eyes have been opened to see, that my focus has changed, my world around me is changing, and I am forever Evolving!!</i><br />
<i><br /></i>Tikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03616181970989741204noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6856511301891664628.post-2383655751457657402012-03-28T11:26:00.000-05:002012-03-28T11:27:21.291-05:00Hopeless...Hopeless Romantics, <br><p class="space"></p>
fall for hopeful semantics<br><p class="space"></p>
Ready and willing<br><p class="space"></p>
For all and any<br><p class="space"></p>
Attention of few<br><p class="space"></p>
Or attention of many<br><p class="space"></p>
Whoever will spend time, <br><p class="space"></p>
Or dinner with wine. <br><p class="space"></p>
For a seat at the table<br><p class="space"></p>
For anyone who is able<br><p class="space"></p>
And those who’re available<br><p class="space"></p>
Will use this against them<br><p class="space"></p>
Although no ill intention.. <br><p class="space"></p>
Should walls be placed high? <br><p class="space"></p>
To keep feelings aside? <br><p class="space"></p>
Or let everyone come in<br><p class="space"></p>
And keep feelings within? <br><p class="space"></p>
One day time will tell<br><p class="space"></p>
Until then… We fail…<br><p class="space"></p>Tikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03616181970989741204noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6856511301891664628.post-82896330420015845202012-02-08T06:16:00.004-06:002012-02-08T06:31:10.404-06:00Dreams Teach.. Listen to Them...<em>I rarely dream, or at least I rarely remember what I dream but this morning I awoke with a revelation and with tears streaming down my face. It appears that I was in New York or some place with mountainous buildings as far as I could view with all of them extrememly close together. I, along with countless others were "building jumping" atop them. It's like a camera zoomed in from the cement sidewalk to me on the rooftop. I was surrounded by 30 or so folks all doing as I am, "building jumping", all with somewhere to go. Except me. I had the feeling that I had no where to go to exactly, but yet there I was with everyone else. I come to a halt on top of a building that was almost the same width as me. When I made the successful leap, I sat down and refused to go any further. The folks behind me made no attempt to change my mind of the fact that I decided to sit instead of continuing on, they just went another route and continued on their way. One gentleman in particular decided to stop and talk to me and tried unsuccessfully for quite awhile. I was impressed by him. He never ceased in his motivation. A woman also stopped, she I recognized as someone I went to high school with. (I can't recall her name but when I see her again, I'm sure I'll weep.) When I saw her familiar face, I began to cry and she asked me, "Tiki, why won't you jump? You came this far?" I said, "I'm scared, what if I fall?" She said, "What IF you fall? What would happen?" I then exclaimed, "I would DIE!" She then explained, "Ok, and what if you died? Wouldn't you be with God? Isn't that where we all WANT to be?" as she opened her arms and pointed to all those folks around me.</em> I WOKE UP, LITERALLY AND SPIRITUALLY this morning!Tikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03616181970989741204noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6856511301891664628.post-65482830308055709832011-12-08T09:49:00.005-06:002011-12-08T09:53:06.352-06:00Fire<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdBrSVd-nx6RKIddaCGctd5TIBhpmLIMqUuhMBhLpo0vszZfbpv4830VvLNtRr4LXg4fyrtDip_A3da_wNNpbDA7h1VyvvK3he1Nod4rMs8enhkSoNqg7YEdbneHey-BSWsZLwfb600lyh/s1600/fires.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 150px; height: 113px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdBrSVd-nx6RKIddaCGctd5TIBhpmLIMqUuhMBhLpo0vszZfbpv4830VvLNtRr4LXg4fyrtDip_A3da_wNNpbDA7h1VyvvK3he1Nod4rMs8enhkSoNqg7YEdbneHey-BSWsZLwfb600lyh/s320/fires.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5683786112719317970" /></a>
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Early morning RISERS
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Put out early morning FIRES
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Don’t wanna first TIMER
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My body REQUIRES a CLIMBER,a DIVIDER
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Or an occasional SUPERVISOR
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Who can dictate to his ADMIRERS
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And expand on his DESIRES
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I need him here before my FIRE EXPIRES
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Interested? Taking INQUIRES..
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Don’t need an ADVERTISER
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Only want someone to be my TRANQUILIZER
<br><p class="space"></p>Tikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03616181970989741204noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6856511301891664628.post-28741369937679284732011-12-08T07:42:00.002-06:002011-12-08T07:47:03.053-06:00Real..<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_mW2PgKTNy3l9WyPq_DofKNMbPSZQhtc_l2V_1Jn6djUExKhT44W80EQPEarSV4MncDAGzEtsSXVr-MdSCUuKOVvsr-pkta3cdYKDufJeiS0JCPKPwCiFtwbAmVrz1m6o9lfLLfQRlcEi/s1600/true_love_waits_large.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 209px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_mW2PgKTNy3l9WyPq_DofKNMbPSZQhtc_l2V_1Jn6djUExKhT44W80EQPEarSV4MncDAGzEtsSXVr-MdSCUuKOVvsr-pkta3cdYKDufJeiS0JCPKPwCiFtwbAmVrz1m6o9lfLLfQRlcEi/s320/true_love_waits_large.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5683752588002106242" /></a>
Times and things change and remain the same regardless of what the hands on the clock say. Things happen as they should and for no other reason than that. My mind is clear, my heart is free, but my brain is thirsty.. Longing for stimulation that comes from another soul. This thirst can not be quenched on its own. The desire is rich and longing to be quenched. It's powerful, strong.. Almost hungry.. Something must be done to satisfy this beast.. I KNOW!! I.. Gotta.. Find.. REAL.. LOVE...Tikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03616181970989741204noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6856511301891664628.post-63169200524948100352011-10-31T14:42:00.004-05:002011-10-31T15:00:32.803-05:00Love vs. HATE<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTTjjHdQex_03yEu3E80A8f86Fp4-D46yGiYjK0m3auh0_BXE5aNYFO2ngfYpyi_6iDSgfSfDGGXUFsgzGJ0-cVJC-VfMHnoK7tFswFzcGqRip6WHMDS6MGVR8b8MiIpZAmYhSxtduCyjn/s1600/364439654_black_love_vs_hate_kids_shirts_design_xlarge.png"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTTjjHdQex_03yEu3E80A8f86Fp4-D46yGiYjK0m3auh0_BXE5aNYFO2ngfYpyi_6iDSgfSfDGGXUFsgzGJ0-cVJC-VfMHnoK7tFswFzcGqRip6WHMDS6MGVR8b8MiIpZAmYhSxtduCyjn/s320/364439654_black_love_vs_hate_kids_shirts_design_xlarge.png" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5669748352160425762" /></a>
Love is a feeling that is hard to describe, hard to mask, hard to hide..
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It comes in the room with force, with fury, with magnitude..
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It should not be explained, nor hidden, nor questioned...
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It doesn't need a reason, a location, nor an invitation...
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All it wants is acknowledgement, a committment, and time to flourish...
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Problem with this is, HATE asks for some of the same things. Hate is easier though, grows faster, quicker to spread, and lasts longer.. This world.. Sounds like we pay attention to things we shouldn't and the things we should pay attention to we let go..
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I wonder why that is? Are we so scared to fall in love with someone that we allow the faults that someone has out weigh the good in them? Are we so selfish that we don't want to allow someone else to share the life that we have so calculatingly built for ourselves? Or is it that we are so scared of the possibility of getting hurt that we don't want to open that door to allow someone in?? In doing so, are we REALLY just hurting ourselves in the process because we're really longing for someone to fill that hole that the last relationship left?? The same hands that we love each other with can be the very same hands that cause each other harm.. Wow..
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I don't know these are questions I have to ask myself, but am too nervous to.. I know the answers for ME, do you know the answers to these questions for yourself?? Man.. What a crazy world we live in...
<br><p class="space"></p>Tikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03616181970989741204noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6856511301891664628.post-83901109636884325732011-10-28T08:06:00.002-05:002011-10-28T08:06:59.356-05:00My Mother<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY9SP3Q7HDwLmdByxDzQJMqX497VwfthTCE78XA5CQnFBxYBxUVUiLuJ7ziauCVLO6aRrFoUZmCYNTMpzDboOEAsIjOCXznyg-VchbSlpUH9Edi4IJU86n3ZHu4lmGWhrQZBmrv6VsS-6o/s1600/Mom.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 180px; height: 179px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY9SP3Q7HDwLmdByxDzQJMqX497VwfthTCE78XA5CQnFBxYBxUVUiLuJ7ziauCVLO6aRrFoUZmCYNTMpzDboOEAsIjOCXznyg-VchbSlpUH9Edi4IJU86n3ZHu4lmGWhrQZBmrv6VsS-6o/s320/Mom.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5668528784833325682" /></a>
70 years ago TODAY, the most precious of God's creations was placed on this Earth to bring love, truth and joy amongst the rest of his people.. I thank HIM for my Mother and for giving me such a wonderful inspiration to mold me and my girls' after! Mom, I love, adore and cherish YOU and all the times we spend together! *smooches*Tikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03616181970989741204noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6856511301891664628.post-29087519886745326802011-10-14T15:22:00.002-05:002011-10-14T15:23:29.802-05:00Mother Nature<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_iBb1gd4XBsoFCnRYNHgMBarWUh2YmSCpMg0PmBnJRAliE1syvTvi38p6nmyZpsI4M_WJp_xV39sNzD53auF_Mk93sEPYHaG8uNCZQ7wVLmjTBqu5S2sXr8d1arHH8B6SSbMArBdMWayv/s1600/Mother+Nature.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_iBb1gd4XBsoFCnRYNHgMBarWUh2YmSCpMg0PmBnJRAliE1syvTvi38p6nmyZpsI4M_WJp_xV39sNzD53auF_Mk93sEPYHaG8uNCZQ7wVLmjTBqu5S2sXr8d1arHH8B6SSbMArBdMWayv/s320/Mother+Nature.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5663445959942622034" /></a>
Ever since I was a young girl I’ve been FASCINATED with tornadoes and the sheer strength and power that winds can hold. It’s AMAZING to me how the same wind that blows my girls’ hair is the SAME wind that tears apart families and wreck homes. The same sky that we admire a rainbow in can be the SAME sky that kills. It’s something I just can’t comprehend.
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Mother Nature and her fury can not be controlled, stopped or prevented in any way! She does what she wants and in what time frame she wants to do it in, not BEFORE and NOT LATER.. Her power can not be contained, nor captured, and would we want to? What would we do with it if we could? Better yet, knowing this country as we do WHAT WOULD WE DO? I’m scared to imagine that.
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Until we figure her out though, we must be prepared for the terror she brings for we can not know when it will come. The notice she gives is short and sometimes there is none at all. Wow. Am I talking about “Mother Nature” still… OR.. Am I talking about.. Me??
<br><p class="space"></p>Tikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03616181970989741204noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6856511301891664628.post-21163368842918741382011-09-22T13:34:00.003-05:002011-09-22T14:30:13.171-05:00Potpourri VToday is one of those days where I come to my keyboard to see what will happen and to see if something comes from NOTHING.. The "nothing" I speak of isn't me, it means I have no pre-planned idea of where this may take me but it usually takes me to where it needs to.. It's less DIFFICULT to let the words flow than to plan where they are going..
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{TROY DAVIS - R.I.P.} When this blog began several years ago, I wanted to move all my writings from Myspace and then it turned political when Obama ran for office.. It has had it's share of public events, poems, videos and writings of course by yours truly. All of you who TRULY know me KNOW how I feel about PEOPLE in general. I love folks and love seeing smiles on folks faces. FROM WHAT I KNOW about this man's trial, I feel as though something here went terribly wrong.. A friend of mine posted this on their Facebook page: "The last words of Troy Davis... Strapped to the lethal-injection gurney, Davis lifted his head and looked at the MacPhail family, and said, The incident that night was not my fault, I did not have a gun. I did not personally kill your son, father and brother. I am innocent. So sad.." True, people sit on death row who are innocent. People die on death row that are innocent.. This time something was different though. The coming together everyone felt to try and save this man's life not truly knowing if he was innocent or not but yet STILL attempting to save someone meant something. Why are these efforts not done every day? We gotta do better folks.. (Ok.. Whew.. I had to get that out..)
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Now. I've been coming into myself lately.. Thinking positively, reacting slower.. Things are changing for me and I think it has alot to do with the people I choose to hang around or be involved with. Your "circle" has alot to do with YOU whether you want to think that way or not. They influence you one way or another, your thoughts, your reactions, your places you venture all have to do with your "CIRCLE". My "Circle" has become relatively smaller lately and for that I pat myself on the back. Making difficult decisions is just that, DIFFICULT. Doesn't mean it shouldn't be done, just means it's harder to do.
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Letting folks in to the most inner parts of you is HELLA stressful but necessary. It's DIFFICULT to allow yourself to open up to the risk of being hurt but at the same time you're allowing yourself the opportunity to possibly be HAPPY. Wouldn't that risk be WORTH IT THEN? Happiness is not something everyone can rejoice in, but it's definetly something everyone should experience.. Happiness and love.. Those two feelings should be felt by everyone.
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I was told lately that I have to "let things go" or to "not hold a grudge". I can forgive anything and everyone, my problem is forgetting what I am forgiving.. That is DIFFICULT for me. After being hurt or wronged I need my space to deal with my feelings sometimes which isn't always good, but it's how I deal with things. Understanding the difference in how people handle their emotions is important and vital to comprehending how folks operate.
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This is part V of "Potpourri".. My way of saying - here are my thoughts and take them for what they're worth! No rhyme or reason.. This is what happens when I wait a month to write in this blog! ;0)Tikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03616181970989741204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6856511301891664628.post-82267688125809288712011-08-31T15:08:00.000-05:002011-08-31T15:11:33.823-05:00Good Ole' Paper and Pen<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeY_6nnE4pvluixgF5wkSrxBDfmDYpZiCaylzCefOSCGNYC2xc5ajz-_WhBcyrGXFZKqTIN_PIT7teiucP7PlouiRvcr5wI32uxrFH5e9KXTFXJpaAHxqlKEEkg2Figx0K5d8f3KmXEzzS/s1600/paper+and+pen.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 120px; height: 80px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeY_6nnE4pvluixgF5wkSrxBDfmDYpZiCaylzCefOSCGNYC2xc5ajz-_WhBcyrGXFZKqTIN_PIT7teiucP7PlouiRvcr5wI32uxrFH5e9KXTFXJpaAHxqlKEEkg2Figx0K5d8f3KmXEzzS/s320/paper+and+pen.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5647114657310830994" /></a>
Good ole paper and pen.. How have you been? <br><p class="space"></p>
You’ve been missing for awhile and I can tell you’ve been gone.. My thoughts are crossed and I’m singing sad songs.. <br><p class="space"></p>
I need clarity in mind and in my heart and without you there I can’t express thru art. <br><p class="space"></p>
Lately I see things that I don’t like to view and if I can’t keep it in then I may as well tell you. <br><p class="space"></p>
I’m struggling with things that I can not change and matter of fact they are driving me insane. <br><p class="space"></p>
I’m getting hurt easily and letting things thru, that I normally would never allow them to. <br><p class="space"></p>
I know my feelings are mine alone and I have no problems taking them as my own. <br><p class="space"></p>
It’s just difficult when friends are gone and when all you can do is be alone. <br><p class="space"></p>I’m not nervous about that in the least, it just hurts when you go from the one with the most to the one with the least. <br><p class="space"></p>
None of this is true none of this is fact, but it doesn’t change how those around me act.Tikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03616181970989741204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6856511301891664628.post-27508059067681812222011-06-21T10:43:00.003-05:002011-06-21T10:48:58.213-05:00LIFE Moves On...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3WBxCE7y7V0FX7s8PSMtMd8VhjaDXjVeTmS5WUvmCO1n88iAMDtUMIrQDVS7SE81Hs9E8xFfI9Xwc2UJ_yjUXBJmg9uBhBJSoHk7Z-geAHk5erZxuSO28aHFRb7WN3OsqLAVlikaZSFF2/s1600/Life.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3WBxCE7y7V0FX7s8PSMtMd8VhjaDXjVeTmS5WUvmCO1n88iAMDtUMIrQDVS7SE81Hs9E8xFfI9Xwc2UJ_yjUXBJmg9uBhBJSoHk7Z-geAHk5erZxuSO28aHFRb7WN3OsqLAVlikaZSFF2/s320/Life.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5620699564993697154" /></a>
The time in-between my posts are becoming longer and longer and that bothers me.. I’m not sure if the time that it’s taking me to write is because I can’t pull myself to write anything or is it because I have nothing to say.. Those of you who know me know that I ALWAYS have something to say so what is it?? Writing is my outlet, my hobby, my past time, my “VISE” (previous post) so why haven’t I been writing then?? I think it’s because I’m either not sure of what I’m going to say or it’s because I don’t want to deal with the feelings I’m experiencing..
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I knew these days would come.. I’ve dreaded them for weeks now. The anniversaries of my wedding and my divorce are side by side, right next to each other… It’s been a year since my divorce so why does this bother me still? I know it’s ONLY been a year but shouldn’t I be ok? Shouldn’t I be over this? My friend described divorce as a “death of a marriage” and with any death there is pain.. With any death there are memories.. With any death there is loss..
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You know you never go into anything with the thought of it NOT working out. Of it NOT following through.. Of it NOT being all that it can be.. On the day of our wedding, me and my Ex were surrounded by folks who did not want us to be together. We were the only 2 in the room who saw any promise in US. Were we blind? Were we too in love to care? I was.. I wanted us to prove everyone in that room wrong. I wanted to show them that we could do anything we put our minds to. I wanted us to be something that no one in that room thought that we could be. Unfortunately, everyone was right… That’s a GIGANTIC pill to swallow.. Everyone KNEW we would fail, and we did.. Wow.
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So, how do you pull yourself up from where you have fallen? Sheessh, I don’t know.. I wish I DID know so I can help someone else with this.. Somehow, you just DO! If you have children like me who look up to you, you just DO it! You just get up and make it happen; you’ll have time to cry later! Time moves on, LIFE moves on! You have to prove to your children and yourself that you can cross what ever bridge lies in front of you with no FEAR and NO DOUBT! It’s hard, I won’t tell it isn’t, BUT it’s NECESSARY! Your children learn from YOU! YOU are their inspiration! You are their STRENGTH! If that’s not MOTIVATION for you, then I don’t know what is…
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I’ll get passed these next few days as I’ve gotten passed the last few.. With my head held high, my chest poked out and belief in myself that I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me. I’m not a religious person, but I’m a spiritual one! I KNOW I couldn’t have survived the things I’ve been through in my life without HIM and I will continue to as long as he is by my side.
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So now, I sit before you a changed person; a stronger person who is ready to receive what lies before me. I’m ready to move forward and to accept what is being given to me. My life is for me to live and not wallow on what could’ve been or what I should’ve done. I’ve learned from every situation I’ve found myself in. I’ve seen what mistakes I’ve made and they will not be repeated! Life is full of lessons. It’s what you do with what you’ve learned that will make the difference…
<br><p class="space"></p>Tikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03616181970989741204noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6856511301891664628.post-3833183573949622352011-05-12T10:31:00.000-05:002011-05-13T15:38:25.410-05:00Storm and THEN the CALM...Usually my mood does not coincide with the weather but TODAY tears flow as the rain falls... I can’t get a hold of myself today… As one of my friends told me this morning, “Tiki, you always encourage other folks” and I try to, but every once in awhile I am the one who needs encouragement. Recently, I have been overwhelmingly emotional and I believe the MAIN reason is because I haven’t dealt with the feelings of my divorce. Wow.. I just had an “Aha Moment” just then.. The things you find out by writing…
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I try to hide my emotions from my kids, by that I mean tears since the separation/divorce.. I want them to feel protected and experience the feeling of “My Mom’s GOT THIS!” Every once in awhile though, I break down.. It’s usually in the car by myself or in the bathroom where I can cover the sobs with water running.. Recently though, it’s been rough…
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I wrote about it last year during a rough patch “Tears Fall for No Reason” and I guess it’s that time again.. I don’t know, I guess things are harder for me than I let on.. The appearance of a STRONG person is easier to portray than a DEVASTATED one…
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This is the storm and I’ll return to calm once this is all over.. I need my time.. My emotions are raw and are mine to hash through… Just.. Give me my time…
<br><p class="space"></p>Tikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03616181970989741204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6856511301891664628.post-60794552983414317332011-05-11T10:30:00.000-05:002011-05-11T10:31:03.921-05:00Be Patient...Tapping into your emotional self is important for your personal growth as well as for your growth in other relationships... I have been told that I have allowed a prior relationship to make me “tap out” which isn’t surprising to me, but it is surprising that others can see something that I could barely see myself. I’m worn out, I agree but “tapping out” isn’t something I’m known for. I’m glad this friend took it upon herself to enlighten me on something that I need to work on. That’s a true friend right there and I love her dearly for it!
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The relationship she is referring to has left me emotionally drained and confused on things that I know should not be hard to determine. It has left me wanting things, longing for things that have not previously been important to me but now seem MONSTROUS in size and I can’t look beyond them… So what should be done?? Unfortunately only I can answer this question... I’ve been fighting this for awhile now and need assistance with it; however that is also something that I’m not used to doing as well...
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You know when you long for something that you once had and no longer have around you? This is different… This is longing for something that you’ve NEVER had… It’s wanting something that you’ve seen other people with but you know nothing of how it feels to have… It’s the oddest thing.. The hardest thing… It’s one thing to long for something that you’ve had, it’s quite another to want something you’ve NEVER had and have no idea how having THAT THING can be… On top of all that’s its hella frustrating and you can’t be satisfied until you get what that THING is… I want it badly and it’s up to me to get it… In order to receive this THING, I have to be willing, open, and accepting of it when it comes my way.. So, what do I do in the mean time?? Be patient…
<br><p class="space"></p>Tikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03616181970989741204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6856511301891664628.post-31231471814229609602011-05-05T08:45:00.001-05:002019-11-21T19:30:26.779-06:00SHIT?I want that soap opera love shit, that love that you only see on tv shit
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I had that Lifetime channel shit, now I want that life time long shit<br />
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Not that hit you in the eye ‘til it’s swole shit, but that hit you in the heart that never gets old shit<br />
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I want that monogamous shit, that love that’s only between me and you type shit<br />
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I want that equal shit, that one on one, only me and you type shit<br />
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I’ll give all my shit to you type shit, for you to give all of you to me type shit<br />
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Do you think this shit exists? Or is all this shit some bull type shit?<br />
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I know this shit exists, cuz I’ve seen this type shit<br />
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But why does my shit always end up just being… SHIT?<br />
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Tikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03616181970989741204noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6856511301891664628.post-64321864699539873042011-05-03T10:11:00.001-05:002011-05-03T10:12:28.355-05:00I'm Doing This For Me!Not everyone will understand you, your issues and what you’ve been through but is it really FOR them to comprehend? I mean, does it matter if they don’t? I believe there are some people in this world whose sole purpose is to cause harm... I mean EVERYONE has their role in this life and unfortunately not everyone was placed in yours to be good to you. It sucks to think of this that way but how else is there to think of it? I’m sure everyone has SOMEONE in their life that causes nothing but hurt and either you can get that person out of your life or you have to deal with their mess… Either way, they are a part/were a part of your existence, unfortunately…
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So then the next question is “How do you deal with them while they are IN your life?” Your survival must be centered on your well being and with this person there your happiness can be jeopardized. So, what do you do? The easy answer would be to remove this person from your surroundings but THAT is not as easy as it sounds… Certain circumstances can hinder this from occurring… So then what? Since you can not remove them, remove yourself? That can open up another case of the “why are you doing this to ME?” The best answer to this question for me is, “I’m not doing anything TO you, I’m doing this FOR me!”<br><p class="space"></p>Tikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03616181970989741204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6856511301891664628.post-17354958277103105272011-04-19T09:45:00.000-05:002011-04-19T09:46:22.933-05:00Soul Search'n...MY world is a complex one… One that needs explanation but there are no words to describe it that exists at the moment… Sometimes I feel all alone with my issues, pondering how to get out of these situations, out of these problems, out of my life… I know I have to continue on my way because I have two children counting on me to do so but I feel like I’m on my own fighting, wishing and praying for a way out, but the answer doesn’t seem to be available for me or what I see is so blurry and convoluted that nothing seems clear…
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So what should be done to fix this? No one has any answers or any solutions for me… Nothing that I do works so what’s left then? What is to be done to fix the shyt that’s going on? It sucks when you do all that you can do to correct something but nothing changes… Although I’m NO quitter, sometimes I feel like giving up is the way to go… It’s the easiest thing to do for sure… It seems that it’s the way out, but is it really the answer?
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When everyone else has given up on you, it feels so good to know that you still have ONE person in your corner… Sometimes, I am this person for folks, but, where do I go when I need someone in MY corner?? I know GOD is there for me and always has been; however sometimes I need someone HERE to lean on…
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I know this may sound a little depressing to read, but sometimes even the most POSITIVE folks you know have down days…The key is to not allow these down DAYS to multiply and become “down weeks”… I’ll pull myself outta this slump I’m in, but until then, I have some soul searching to do…
<br><p class="space"></p>Tikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03616181970989741204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6856511301891664628.post-73155517198796271622011-04-19T09:20:00.003-05:002011-04-19T09:46:39.990-05:00Give, REGARDLESS?What if the appreciation you seek from someone outside of yourself is not returned? Does that mean that you didn’t do enough for them OR does that mean that who you did it for was not worthy of receiving your gifts? Either way, the feeling that you have after this will be hard to deal with, but you have to remember that when we do things for other people it is for the good of OURSELVES whether it is accepted or not.. You hope that it will be well received but in the end, you tried… You attempted to do good for someone else REGARDLESS of how it was interpreted, taken, denied or not returned… Just think, if doing something for someone else didn’t have any good intentions behind it for you, then nothing GOOD will come out of it at all if it wasn’t received…
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Now, with all that being said, is that SELFISH to do things for the good of YOU? Maybe, but during Christmas time we say it is “Better to GIVE than to RECEIVE.” What does that mean? Same instance as here, but for some reason some people whom we consistently/constantly give TO do not deserve our attempts… So, do we stop giving or do we stop caring that it’s not received??
<br><p class="space"></p>Tikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03616181970989741204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6856511301891664628.post-87604006587059923472011-04-18T10:59:00.003-05:002011-04-18T11:03:56.099-05:00Simpler...Good things CAN happen on bad days, you just have to acknowledge them when they occur… I’m trying to do better with things in my life and notice things (good and bad) faster than I have been accustomed to doing… This allows me to react accordingly and much faster then I have previously… I believe if I would’ve done this sooner, my life would have gone down a different path then it has… It’s not too late for changes to be made! You CAN teach an old dog new tricks.. Just may take longer, you have to be more patient, and the tricks may need to be simpler…
<br><p class="space"></p>Tikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03616181970989741204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6856511301891664628.post-88584480158351339142011-04-15T12:35:00.000-05:002011-04-15T12:37:23.099-05:00Edification...It hurts when you recognize that someone is hurting as you have, made the same mistakes that you did, and that has the same negative thoughts that you had.. Then you realize that you had to go through those same things to become the person you are today.. Be thankful for the trials/tribulations you've experienced, those hard times have taught you invaluable life lessons that no book, teacher, or class could have…
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I’m not knockin’ teachers, books, or classrooms I mean I’ve worked in colleges and universities for most of my adult life. What I’m saying is that life lessons can have EDUCATION in it that you can not receive from a book. Experience can have more schooling in it then any degree can.. Now as I said before, I’m not knockin’ education, I’m sayin’ that edification can come without a degree…
<br><p class="space"></p>Tikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03616181970989741204noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6856511301891664628.post-46732795905982956252011-03-30T12:38:00.002-05:002011-03-30T12:41:28.794-05:00I am hella FEISTY!!There are people in this world who r gonna wanna try you,<br><p class="space"></p>
Give ‘em all a door and push their ass and their ‘ttude thru,<br><p class="space"></p>
I’m tired of this bullshit and the game of who wanna hurt who,<br><p class="space"></p>
Just keep it pushin’, keep it steppin’ and try somebody else Boo!<br><p class="space"></p>
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I’m not ur doormat for u to walk on, ur games don’t get no play here,<br><p class="space"></p>
I see thru u and yo shit and on this face they’ll be no tears,<br><p class="space"></p>
Tell the mothafuckaz who r witchu I have no fear,<br><p class="space"></p>
While all my homies got my back and ready with THEIR own gear!<br><p class="space"></p>
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No one standing by will be needed or even necessary,<br><p class="space"></p>
I’m ready for you and you can call all of my adversaries,<br><p class="space"></p>
You’ll NEED those who will attempt or wanna try me,<br><p class="space"></p>
Cuz I’ve been told thru out my years that I am hella feisty!!<br><p class="space"></p>
<br><p class="space"></p>Tikihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03616181970989741204noreply@blogger.com0