Yes, I know I haven’t written in awhile – been busy... Been busy taking care of business, things I didn’t want to do, but things I know had to get done. Unfortunately, these things could only get done by me – Procrastination has reared its ugly head for too long already. How much more did I think I could take? Was I testing myself to see how bad things could/would get before I did anything? I guess I shouldn’t be hard on myself. Nothing wrong with sticking to my word for me and my family… Nothing wrong with it at all… Then why do I feel so bad? Bad maybe is the wrong word; maybe disappointed is a better one… Disappointment is one of the worse feelings in the world to me. It’s hard to return from it; hard to recover from it; hard to deal with it…
One thing people can’t call me is a quitter. That is one thing that I’m not. I’m a ride or die chick for the right person and even the wrong one… I give it my all, EVERYTHING gets my ALL. That’s what I do, that’s who I am. I give it all, because that’s what I expect in return. Is that too much to ask? I don’t think so. When standing in front of the LORD and professing your love to him and the world, why wouldn’t I give it my all?? Isn’t that what we are supposed to do? Why don’t people take it as serious as it is? Why are people so quick to give it all away for a roll in someone else’s hay? The grass may look greener on the other side but when you get up close, you realize that it was turf instead. When I then give you what you want by leaving, it is then when you try to come back to this green lush grass then you realize THIS grass is no longer yours to mow.
Life is LIFE LESSONS that are sometimes very hard to learn. It’s funny because regardless of those who take steps before it’s your turn to walk them, your feelings, opinions and reactions are yours and yours alone. No one else can tell you how to feel. No one else understands but you. It’s a lonely place to be. Alone with your feelings with really no one to turn too but YOU. It’s not a time to feel bad though, you know this decision is the best one you can have, but time lost, time spent, time wasted… WOW, none of those can you get back. It wasn’t a total waste of time. There were good times. There were children born. We HAD some good times…
2 comments:
We HAD good times...lessons learned, and thus why no regrets...continue to live Hard, it's not reckless when done the way you do it.
I keep re-reading this post... It was definetly hard for me to write this one. I guess I needed to write it though. I can hardly read it without crying and feeling those tough feelings all over again. This road is a rough one.. Full of bumps, dips, and valleys.. I will find my way... I always do.
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