LIFE Moves On...

The time in-between my posts are becoming longer and longer and that bothers me.. I’m not sure if the time that it’s taking me to write is because I can’t pull myself to write anything or is it because I have nothing to say.. Those of you who know me know that I ALWAYS have something to say so what is it?? Writing is my outlet, my hobby, my past time, my “VISE” (previous post) so why haven’t I been writing then?? I think it’s because I’m either not sure of what I’m going to say or it’s because I don’t want to deal with the feelings I’m experiencing..

I knew these days would come.. I’ve dreaded them for weeks now. The anniversaries of my wedding and my divorce are side by side, right next to each other… It’s been a year since my divorce so why does this bother me still? I know it’s ONLY been a year but shouldn’t I be ok? Shouldn’t I be over this? My friend described divorce as a “death of a marriage” and with any death there is pain.. With any death there are memories.. With any death there is loss..

You know you never go into anything with the thought of it NOT working out. Of it NOT following through.. Of it NOT being all that it can be.. On the day of our wedding, me and my Ex were surrounded by folks who did not want us to be together. We were the only 2 in the room who saw any promise in US. Were we blind? Were we too in love to care? I was.. I wanted us to prove everyone in that room wrong. I wanted to show them that we could do anything we put our minds to. I wanted us to be something that no one in that room thought that we could be. Unfortunately, everyone was right… That’s a GIGANTIC pill to swallow.. Everyone KNEW we would fail, and we did.. Wow.

So, how do you pull yourself up from where you have fallen? Sheessh, I don’t know.. I wish I DID know so I can help someone else with this.. Somehow, you just DO! If you have children like me who look up to you, you just DO it! You just get up and make it happen; you’ll have time to cry later! Time moves on, LIFE moves on! You have to prove to your children and yourself that you can cross what ever bridge lies in front of you with no FEAR and NO DOUBT! It’s hard, I won’t tell it isn’t, BUT it’s NECESSARY! Your children learn from YOU! YOU are their inspiration! You are their STRENGTH! If that’s not MOTIVATION for you, then I don’t know what is…

I’ll get passed these next few days as I’ve gotten passed the last few.. With my head held high, my chest poked out and belief in myself that I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me. I’m not a religious person, but I’m a spiritual one! I KNOW I couldn’t have survived the things I’ve been through in my life without HIM and I will continue to as long as he is by my side.

So now, I sit before you a changed person; a stronger person who is ready to receive what lies before me. I’m ready to move forward and to accept what is being given to me. My life is for me to live and not wallow on what could’ve been or what I should’ve done. I’ve learned from every situation I’ve found myself in. I’ve seen what mistakes I’ve made and they will not be repeated! Life is full of lessons. It’s what you do with what you’ve learned that will make the difference…