Monday, December 07, 2009

LITTLE White Lies??

I had a talk with one of my close friends this morning and we were discussing if “white lies” truly exist or if it was called that by people who lie so much that there are different sizes and colors of lies… lol I won’t tell you that I’ve never told a lie or two, but after some things have happened to me, I decided to make every effort to tell the truth since then. People who are close to me say that I can be brutally honest, but wouldn’t you rather me tell you the truth on things or lie to your face and have you believe something different? Of course you probably wouldn’t know the difference, but I DO and that is what is important to me.

Of course there are times where it is easier to tell someone a lie to spare their feelings, but I feel that a TRUE FRIEND would tell you the truth whether it hurt you or not! It’s not easy to be in that predicament but I have been there and I have hurt feelings AND have had my feelings hurt as well. I tell you what though; the people who I have experienced that with are STILL my friends to this day and will be around for me and me for them.

Problems arise when the person who is doing the lie either gets caught by you or some other way. Doubt sets in on the one who is being lied to and then they fail to believe any and every thing that person has to say from then on. That is a horrible situation to be in ESPECIALLY if the person is a spouse or significant other. What happens then? How do you move on from there? Sometimes, depending on the situation, you are unable to be deal with what has happened and the best thing is to move on. There are things that are more easily forgivable then others and it depends on the person and what they are able to deal with and what they aren’t. It’s definitely easier to be on the outside of a situation looking in, but when you are the brunt of someone’s deception, who knows what you will do unless it’s YOU who are who being pushed into the corner.


Anonymous said...

I thought I hated liars. So I found this book on Amazon, and ordered it (it's being shipped, so I can't comment on the book yet, but the review got to me)

In The Liar in Your Life, psychology professor Robert Feldman, one of the world's leading authorities on deception, draws on his immense body of knowledge to give fresh insights into how and why we lie, how our culture has become increasingly tolerant of deception, the cost it exacts on us, and what to do about it. His work is at once surprising and sobering, full of corrections for common myths and explanations of pervasive oversimplifications.

Feldman examines marital infidelity, little white lies, career-driven resumé lies, and how we teach children to lie. Along the way, he reveals-despite our beliefs to the contrary- how it is nearly impossible to spot a liar (studies have shown no relationship between nervousness, lack of eye contact, or a trembling voice, and acts of deception). He also provides startling evidence of just how integral lying is to our culture; indeed, his research shows that two people, meeting for the first time, will lie to each other an average of three times in the first ten minutes of a conversation.

Feldman uses this discussion of deception to explore ways we can cope with infidelity, betrayal, and mistrust, in our friends and family. He also describes the lies we tell ourselves: Sometimes, the liar in your life is the person you see in the mirror. With incisive clarity and wry wit, Feldman has written a truthful book for anyone who whose life has been touched by deception.

I think it's interesting that we can lie and excuse ourselves but not others. I can't yet excuse others, and it's eating me up. That's why I'm getting this book. Maybe I do see myself in that mirror. I need some more perspective.

Jennifer said...

I like when I have friends who can be completely honest with me. I do go back and forth on whether not divulging info is lying. I think there are times you might leave out something because you know the whole truth will really really hurt that person and not benefit them in any way. I think that's the big thing to me... will this information help or harm the other person? Though, I always say "don't ask a question, you don't want the answer to."

Tiki said...

I ask myself that question too, if my answer to said question is worth answering... People who know me know who I am and what I'm about so I believe that the reason I'm being asked is because the person truly wants to know my perspective. If they didn't, they wouldn't bother asking in the first place. Now that being said, why wouldn't I give a truthful answer to a question that someone obviously wants the truth on? I wouldn't be helping them or me by not being honest...