Soul Search'n...

MY world is a complex one… One that needs explanation but there are no words to describe it that exists at the moment… Sometimes I feel all alone with my issues, pondering how to get out of these situations, out of these problems, out of my life… I know I have to continue on my way because I have two children counting on me to do so but I feel like I’m on my own fighting, wishing and praying for a way out, but the answer doesn’t seem to be available for me or what I see is so blurry and convoluted that nothing seems clear…

So what should be done to fix this? No one has any answers or any solutions for me… Nothing that I do works so what’s left then? What is to be done to fix the shyt that’s going on? It sucks when you do all that you can do to correct something but nothing changes… Although I’m NO quitter, sometimes I feel like giving up is the way to go… It’s the easiest thing to do for sure… It seems that it’s the way out, but is it really the answer?

When everyone else has given up on you, it feels so good to know that you still have ONE person in your corner… Sometimes, I am this person for folks, but, where do I go when I need someone in MY corner?? I know GOD is there for me and always has been; however sometimes I need someone HERE to lean on…

I know this may sound a little depressing to read, but sometimes even the most POSITIVE folks you know have down days…The key is to not allow these down DAYS to multiply and become “down weeks”… I’ll pull myself outta this slump I’m in, but until then, I have some soul searching to do…

Give, REGARDLESS?

What if the appreciation you seek from someone outside of yourself is not returned? Does that mean that you didn’t do enough for them OR does that mean that who you did it for was not worthy of receiving your gifts? Either way, the feeling that you have after this will be hard to deal with, but you have to remember that when we do things for other people it is for the good of OURSELVES whether it is accepted or not.. You hope that it will be well received but in the end, you tried… You attempted to do good for someone else REGARDLESS of how it was interpreted, taken, denied or not returned… Just think, if doing something for someone else didn’t have any good intentions behind it for you, then nothing GOOD will come out of it at all if it wasn’t received…

Now, with all that being said, is that SELFISH to do things for the good of YOU? Maybe, but during Christmas time we say it is “Better to GIVE than to RECEIVE.” What does that mean? Same instance as here, but for some reason some people whom we consistently/constantly give TO do not deserve our attempts… So, do we stop giving or do we stop caring that it’s not received??

Simpler...

Good things CAN happen on bad days, you just have to acknowledge them when they occur… I’m trying to do better with things in my life and notice things (good and bad) faster than I have been accustomed to doing… This allows me to react accordingly and much faster then I have previously… I believe if I would’ve done this sooner, my life would have gone down a different path then it has… It’s not too late for changes to be made! You CAN teach an old dog new tricks.. Just may take longer, you have to be more patient, and the tricks may need to be simpler…

Edification...

It hurts when you recognize that someone is hurting as you have, made the same mistakes that you did, and that has the same negative thoughts that you had.. Then you realize that you had to go through those same things to become the person you are today.. Be thankful for the trials/tribulations you've experienced, those hard times have taught you invaluable life lessons that no book, teacher, or class could have…

I’m not knockin’ teachers, books, or classrooms I mean I’ve worked in colleges and universities for most of my adult life. What I’m saying is that life lessons can have EDUCATION in it that you can not receive from a book. Experience can have more schooling in it then any degree can.. Now as I said before, I’m not knockin’ education, I’m sayin’ that edification can come without a degree…